| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|05:23 pm] |
if i could pass advice onto anyone right now it would be this...
if u are at uni and u are in the first or second year and u are not enjoying it
QUIT NOW!!
before u get to the third year and u want to kill urself when u only have 2 months left. |
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| This is very odd |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|04:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | enlightened | ] |
| [ | music |
| | silence | ] |
life seems to be going from bad to better at the moment.
Phil and I still gettin on ok, spending time together doesnt feel awkward, and i keep gettin nice compliments. and he's still sweet. being friends with him just makes sense.
been talking to other Phil (Vivaz Phil) and he's been really sweet too, saying very nice things about me, and just generally making me feel nice and not in a sleazy trying to come onto me way.
Then there's James, the sweet 1st year who's coming out with me/us on friday to XS. He's a tad scrummy and wud appear to think im rather nice. From what he says he seems to be the boy that girlies dreams are made of, but im used to being fed little white lies about romantic boys, so watch this space for updates lol
Subway is ok, cos now we all have something to talk and laugh about. Gettin on with members of staff i didnt expect to, and being rewarded by their friendship and surprised by their loyalties.
Dont work at the Pickwick anymore so once again Friday nights dancefloor will be OWNED by me and the beautiful Josephine.
Not really worried about money, or uni, or pretty much anything at the moment. Just got my results for the first half of this semester, and to be honest i dont care. They're not great, but then i dont expect to do great. I expect to do as i do. I pass, and i gain life experience.
If my stepdad falls out with me for leaving uni with a 2:2.. then what am i going to do? hate him... oh wait i already do that. is he going to disinherit me? i can hope. i will leave uni with no debts, lots of friends, and having learnt a lot of lessons about life and myself. and i cant imagine being who i am now if i hadnt gone to uni. I wouldnt have met any of the lovely people readin this, and i wouldnt have developed as a person as i believe i have. I would still live with my mum, and hate it, i dont think i would still be alive if i had spent the last 3 years living with my stepdad. i certainly wouldnt be happy. i would not have learnt things about relationships the way that living alone/with a partner has let me.
I would probably still be engaged to scott. stuck in a dead end relationship, with no happiness and sex that lasts about as long as a commercial break. instead ive experienced things that i feel privelaged to. I have coped with many things in my life and i think im still pretty lucky to be where i am.
so thank you, to anyone and everyone who has been my friend, or is my friend, or has influenced me in someway, because, today i would appear to be this way becuase at some point in my life, i met you and i dont think ive ever felt this way. but its very nice. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2006|08:51 pm] |
Dont you just hate it when u get betrayed by a friend?!?!
I mean what the fuck is that all about?
Oh well... i will have the last laugh! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|11:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Vendetta Red | ] |
I went to Phils house!!!
and met his Dad!!!
Hollie will understand the importance of above events!
*dances around like a tit*
ooh and i now have contact lenses! tis very odd, and have in the past 12 hours tried to put my glasses on aswell TWICE and had Peter Parker moment where i realise i dont need them anymore only to remember that i am infact still blind but already have my lenses in.
WEIRD!
and some new hair straighteners which seem to be doing ok.
I dont like not having anything resting on my nose or behind my ears as ive been wearing glasses for about 13 years now. Phil kindly offered to rest his finger behind my ear, but then told me in a week i'd have to have them pinned back lol.
Everythings going so well with Phil, he made me cry in Leeds town centre on Tuesday, but thats only the 2nd time in 3 months which by my standards is astonishing. Well i better get my case studies done today as they're due in tomorrow and i have the subway xmas meal tonite. They're better not be stupid drunken antics at the meal cos i'll just leave.
tiddly peeps |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|10:22 pm] |
Just had the most fantastical sex undoubtedly of my entire life, and just thought i would make myself giggle by telling you all! hehehe
well... duty calls lmao
xXx |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|03:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Radio one meh | ] |
Apologies to anyone who has already read this on myspace...
I am bored.
Bored and pissed off. Lots of little things seem to be bothering me at the moment.
I want a christmas. I'm not going to get a normal christmas this year. I want a mother I can talk to. In fact no, scrap that. I want to be 10 years old again, and convince my mother that making me move in with my now stepdad is a really bad idea.
I want to talk to my dad 10 years ago and tell him that having one autistic child is enough to deal with and it really wouldnt be wise to have another child. I want to be blunt with him and explain that when he dies, I will not be able to be the guardian to my two half brothers, one of which will need a full time carer.
I want a new job where I can have as many piercings as I want and will be able to wear them all the time. I have someone who will pierce me, and i know the piercings i want, and the only thing thats holding me back is the fact that i give a shit about other people and their opinions/views.
I never talk about my problems and its about time someone listened to me when i choose to open up about them. I'm always the one who puts others first and i never get it in return. I dont like acting like the victim and fishing for sympathy but i'm starting to realise that talking to people about my problems doesnt have to be that way. The things i've been through in my life make me the person that I am, and if you are my friend and/or are interested in me as a person, it means that you will be a better friend to me, or will know/understand more about me if you know what i've been through. And i dont want it to be some sort of competition, where i've been through something, so you have to better it with something worse or whatever. I listen to peoples problems, and i try to help, with comforting words, a hug or just a keen ear and an open mind. Why is it so difficult for other people to be that way?
The world would be a better place if everyone didnt have issues. But lets face it that aint ever gonna happen.
Well if you've actually read through all this drivel then congratulations |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|03:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Gratitude | ] |
wooo alkaline trio in 5 hours and counting.
cant stop thinking bout how terrificly amazing its gonna be woooooooooooooooooooo
plus i get to go for a long ride in phils pretty car :) yeay hehe
will update with details tomorrow
laters xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|01:01 pm] |
phil is a bummer.
he made me cry.
dont want to hate him.
want to tell him how much i actually like him.
but he would run away faster than ... well faster than a really fast thing.
he says i over-analyse whats going on between us.
thats only cos he seems to be constantly changing his own mind. how am i supposed to begin to understand when he's so hot and cold with me in that sense.
i want to be happy with the way we are at the moment, but just when im content he acts like ive asked him to marry me or something.
i want to make him make decision, in an all or nothing fashion, but i know he'd chose nothing, and im far too delicate to cope with that immeadiate rejection.
going home to cry and make porridge. |
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phoenix_suicide's journal
depressed
